


head first into the fire

by toxica939



Series: into the fire [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, M/M, very light kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 06:20:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10735908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxica939/pseuds/toxica939
Summary: It's not like he's embarrassed about it. It'd probably put a bit of a dampener on their sex life if he weren't at least a little bit into it. He's not even particularly embarrassed about howmuchhe likes it, even though that's what Aaron will think it's about. He's embarrassed because he's a fucking idiot who doesn't know how to ask his husband for what he wants.Which is basically Aaron's dick down his throat until he can't breathe.





	head first into the fire

**Author's Note:**

> it's done. the blow job fic of my nightmares. probably set next year, i have hand waved the current sl because it's a debbie downer and i am not here for that today.

 

The first time it happens they're sat outside the pub. It's sunny, unseasonably warm for April and Adam had made short work of convincing Aaron to ditch work for a pint, Robert trailing after them because he couldn't take any more of Jimmy sweating through his shirt in the portacabin.

Adam's gone to get the beers he promised and Aaron wanders back from saying hi to his mum, slings a leg over the picnic bench beside Robert. He's sitting side on, face tipped into the sun. Robert tries not to stare, braces his arms on the table and links his fingers so he wont touch.

Aaron leans forward suddenly, chin on Robert's shoulder. When he speaks it's directly into Robert's ear. “I know what you're thinking,” he says. God, Robert loves him when he's like this. Teasing and carefree, like the teenager he never got chance to be.

Robert bites down on a grin, turns his head to nudge their noses together. “No you don't,” he murmurs. Aaron has no idea. He'd probably be horrified if he knew some of the things Robert thinks about.

That gets him a wide smile, blur of teeth, and a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth before Aaron pulls back. “You're not as mysterious as you think, mate,” he says.

Robert rolls his eyes. “You wound me.”

“You're an idiot,” Aaron laughs, slides a hand up into Robert's hair and gives his head a shake. There's a split second, where it tips Robert's head back sharply, throat pulled taught and Robert goes hot all over, something spasming in his chest. A quick burst of oh and god and _yes_.

Adam saves the day, coming back with three pints between his hands and Aaron's grinning up at him, Robert forgotten.

Except Robert's half hard in his jeans, not enough air in his lungs.

It's a long afternoon.

:::

It takes him a few days to sort it through in his head. Isn't sure he should have bothered when he does.

:::

So here's the thing. Aaron is nothing, if not considerate in bed. And Robert's not saying that's a bad thing, alright? He's not _complaining._ It's just.

If you give Robert a lazy afternoon and an empty house he can break him. Can have Aaron strung out, teeth in the sheets; desperate and loud and grabby. But he doesn't often have either of those things, not since business picked up at the yard and it's not like Liv ever leaves her room unless Robert hands over cash.

Anyway, what he's saying is, sometimes, when they have no choice but to go at it fast and hard up against the fridge after Liv's asleep or on the settee or in the shower or. _Anyway,_ sometimes, Robert wishes Aaron wouldn't be so bloody _polite_ about it.

But it's not a problem. It's not even a big deal. It's just something he's thought about.

He's not going to mention it.

:::

Of fucking course he mentions it. Because he's an idiot with no sense of self preservation.

“You like having sex with me, yeah?” is what he says. And then has to turn his head away to make a face at himself, appalled.

Aaron coughs. “What?”

They're in bed and it's dark. Robert hopes Aaron can't tell how red his face is. What is _wrong_ with him?

“Nothing,” he says quickly.

“What are you talking about?” Aaron asks, rubbing a hand over his mouth. “Does it seem like I don't?”

“No! No, no, I didn't mean it like that.”

Oh god, this is awful.

“What did you mean?” when Robert glances over, Aaron is staring at the ceiling, resigned.

It makes him scramble up onto an elbow so he can lean down over Aaron, hand on his chest. “Nothing like that. Just forget I said anything.”

Aaron gives him a warning look. “Robert.”

“I just,” he's got to say something. Anything'd be better than this. “Do you ever wish you didn't have to be so. I don't know. Careful?”

He's pretty sure he's not making any sense. Aaron's face seems to support that.

“You don't want me to be careful?” he asks, which. Actually that's exactly what Robert means.

He nods.

Aaron folds his arms under the duvet and looks away. “I'm not following.”

Robert thinks he is. But he's not going to push it.

:::

“Have you seen a German textbook by any chance?” Liv asks, sounding not even a little bit like she gives a shit either way. She's got half a slice of toast hanging out of her mouth, spraying crumbs. She's definitely Aaron's.

“What's it look like?” Aaron asks around his own toast.

Liv rolls her eyes. “I don't know. German? It's got a bus on it I think?”

Robert eats his cereal quietly, like a normal human with manners and points at the sideboard. “It's over there. Nice try hiding it by the way.”

Liv makes a face but Aaron's smiling at him so it's worth the sharp elbow to the back of his head he gets as she swings her school bag over her shoulder. “You think you're funny,” she says. “But you're not. And now you get to help me revise for the oral exam tonight. Seeing as you're so bothered.”

Robert does not choke on his cornflakes at the word oral. He's a grown man.

Aaron's looking at him funny after Liv leaves and Robert busies himself with clearing away the breakfast dishes. Sometimes he misses living in the pub, he could get away leaving them and hope Chas or Charity would do them before he got home. No such luck these days.

He startles when he turns round because Aaron's suddenly right there, close enough to bump chests. “You alright?” Aaron asks, knocking his knuckles against Robert's belly. _Oh_ , he's actually worried.

Robert nods, takes hold of either side of Aaron's open hoodie. Sugary little kisses to his bottom lip, still sticky with butter. “Never better,” Robert says, gratified to note that it takes a few seconds for Aaron to come back to himself when he pulls away.

Then he's frowning. “You sure?” he asks. “You've been acting weird all morning.”

Since last night, is what he means.

Aaron gives up when Robert just nods.

Robert wishes that made him feel better.

:::

It doesn't come up again until Aaron gets him off in the pub toilets. It's completely ridiculous, they have a whole house they could be doing this in but Robert still followed him in here like it was a normal thing to do.

In his defence, Aaron was the one giving him the eye. Hand on Robert's knee all through tea in the bar with Liv and Chas and bloody Paddy. That's his story and he's sticking to it.

He's not complaining about it anyway. Not when it gets him Aaron on his knees in the gents, mouth around Robert's dick like it was made to be there.

Robert shuts his eyes, spreads his fingers across the cubical door at his back and enjoys his life.

After, when Aaron's dusted himself off but before he can step away to rinse his mouth out, Robert gathers him in close. Kisses him back against the wall, both of them snickering, stumbling around the toilet bowl.

Aaron twists his hands in Robert's jumper. “You keep this up, I'm going to expect you to repay the favour.”

Robert grins, lets his teeth slow, says, “Make me,” and doesn't mean for it to sounds quite so desperate.

Something flickers behind Aaron's eyes, face twitching. But he doesn't call Robert on it.

He doesn't make him, either. When Robert slides down Aaron's body, knees on filthy tiles, it's because he can't help himself.

:::

Robert likes blow jobs okay? _Obviously_ , of course he does but. More specifically, he likes giving them.

And it's not like he's embarrassed about it. It'd probably put a bit of a dampener on their sex life if he weren't at least a little bit into it. He's not even particularly embarrassed about how _much_ he likes it, even though that's what Aaron will think it's about. He's embarrassed because he's a fucking idiot who doesn't know how to ask his husband for what he wants.

Which is basically Aaron's dick down his throat until he can't breathe.

Mostly because he's worried Aaron will say no. It goes against all of Aaron's instincts to be rough with Robert these days, Robert knows that. They've spent enough time with the counsellor talking through ways to make sure being rough with anybody is an absolute last resort for Aaron. And he's not going to mess than up just because it makes his dick wet thinking about Aaron putting him on his knees.

God he's a twat. This is the last thing Aaron needs. Robert just needs to pull himself together. It's not exactly a hardship sucking Aaron off while Aaron bites his lip, curls gentle fingers in the sheets.

Just because Robert wishes it wasn't something for him to give, that it was something for Aaron to take.

He's not going to bring it up.

:::

He's still not bringing it up a week later when it happens again.

Aaron's got him pressed up against the wall in the hallway. It's bright out so everything's dappled in shades of yellow and green. Sunlight through stained glass.

Aaron's got a thigh between Robert's, hands gentle on Robert's jaw, tilting him into long, lazy kisses. There was a time they kissed all teeth and tongue, but these days it's a slow, wet slide of mouths, numb lips dragging and cheeks hot.

Robert's trying quite hard not to shove down on to Aaron's thigh, he's spent all day at the yard pushing paper and trying not to watch Aaron flexing through the blinds, heaving metal. He feels like he's on a hair trigger as it is.

Aaron pulls back for a breath, dives back in and now Robert's hips are definitely rolling, can't help himself. He feels Aaron huff into his mouth, an amused noise.

And then Aaron's hand runs up into Robert's hair, pulls his head back against the wall, so Aaron can mouth at his bared throat, tongue tripping across his pulse point. Robert can't hold back the shudder that ripples through him. Aaron pushes in even closer, holds Robert still while he kisses his way back up to Robert's lips. Robert's throat feel tight when he swallows and something catches fire in his belly, like kindling crackling.

Robert can't breathe. Aaron ducks down again, yanking Robert's head to the side so he can give the other half of Robert's neck the same treatment. Robert tries to hold it together, can't.

He pulls against Aaron's grip, trying to get back some semblance of control before he blows it.

Aaron just tightens his hold, sets his teeth to Robert's jugular. “Just take it,” he says, a harsh whisper.

And Robert? Robert looses his fucking mind. It takes two quick hitches of his hips and he's coming. In his jeans like a fucking teenager just from Aaron laying him bare. Giving him a taste of what it could be like. Knowing him too well.

His face is on fire when Aaron steps away.

Aaron's eyes are dark. “Yeah. That's what I thought,” Aaron says, mouth twisting.

Robert sags against the wall, watches Aaron walk off.

Aaron didn't sound annoyed, is the thing. Robert doesn't know how he sounded.

:::

Robert parks himself on the settee beside Liv and waits for Aaron to come home. It's a long wait.

When he finally slips in the door it's well after dark, Liv's been in bed for a couple of hours, fed up of Robert fidgeting, she said. He's got the TV on mute for a bit of company while he thumbs through his phone.

Aaron looks like he was hoping Robert would already be asleep.

Robert opens his mouth to say, he has no idea what, but Aaron shakes his head, cuts him off. “It's alright.”

“Is it?” because Robert's not sure anymore.

Aaron just stands there for a while, hands loose at his sides, chews the corner of his lip.

When he nods it's like he's made a decision. “Upstairs,” he says.

Now that, Robert was not expecting. He frowns. “Are you sure?”

Aaron sighs, looks away and back again. “I need to try something. You trust me yeah?”

“Of course,” Robert's already on his feet. He trusts Aaron with his life, this is nothing.

“Upstairs then.”

:::

Aaron fucks him. There's really no other word for it. He puts Robert belly down on the bed, licks him open and fucks him.

Robert has to chew his own fist to keep quiet, can still hear himself whining.

The pace Aaron sets is brutal but it sings through Robert's veins, makes his legs spread further, shoving back into each thrust. Aaron's chest rubs hot and scratchy against his back with every shuddering inhale. It doesn't hurt. Feels like too much and not enough at the same time. Robert doesn't know if he'll ever get enough of this, of Aaron like this. Both of them sweating and straining together. They've always known how to get this right.

He comes like an explosion, nothing left, presses his face into the pillow and just tries to breathe.

Aaron pulls out too fast, thumbs spreading Robert's cheeks so he can see. It makes Robert's face burn, come dripping down over his balls to pool in the sheets.

It's so close to exactly what he needs that he falls asleep before Aaron's even cleaned them up, mind blissfully quiet for once.

:::

Aaron's already awake when Robert comes to the next morning. It feels like it's still early but the sun's bright behind the curtains, room glowing.

Robert would quite like to close his eyes and slip back into sleep, his whole body aches in the best way.

But Aaron's sat up against the headboard, twisting his hands in the duvet cover.

“You alright?” Aaron asks when Robert makes a show of stretching himself awake.

Robert nods, tries to let Aaron know exactly how okay he is with just his eyes. “I'm great.”

They look at each other for a moment, before Aaron blinks. “I don't think I can hurt you,” he says.

 _Shit_.

Robert tries to keep calm. “I don't want you to. I would _never_ ask you to.”

Aaron nods but it looks like he's doing it to himself more than anything. “So what exactly do you want? I need you to be clear about this or I can't.”

Robert sits up too. “You don't have to do anything,” he assures him. “I know I've been acting weird. And I'm not going to lie to you, obviously, I was into what we did last night but if you're not,” he pauses, feels like shit. “If that was just for me. Aaron you do not have to do anything you don't want to do. Not ever. And certainly not for me.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Did it seem like I wasn't into it? Robert it was amazing. But I need to know how much further you'd want me to take it.”

“You don't have to.”

“Just tell me.”

Robert gives up. It's not like he's ever had any dignity where Aaron was concerned anyway.

Aaron's always trusted Robert with the darkest parts of himself. What sort of husband is he if he can't do the same?

“It's really not a pain thing,” he says. “And I didn't even know I wanted it like last night until we were doing it okay? It's just,” he takes a deep breath, “I want to suck you off.”

Aaron frowns. “Okay?”

This is frustrating. Why can't he just say it?

“I mean, I want to suck you off and I want you to make me. I don't want you to hold back.”

Aaron's nodding again, scratching at his cheek. “You've thought about this a lot?”

Robert pulls a face. “Probably more than is normal,” he admits.

“Right,” Aaron says. “Leave it with me.”

Robert has to close his eyes. He sort of wishes he's just come out with it the first time it crossed his mind, doesn't know if that would be better.

:::

It takes four days.

Four days of lingering glances and Robert half hard, chafing in his jeans all fucking day, before Aaron pulls him into the bedroom.

He makes Robert strip, tugs his own t shirt up over his head while Robert watches. Robert catalogues it all, flash of belt buckle, flat stomach, scars and nipples before Aaron's face reappears, hair ruffled.

Robert takes a deep breath, watches Aaron unzip, shove everything down until he's naked. Gloriously naked and everything Robert has ever wanted.

Aaron meets his eyes, takes Robert's chin in his hand, kisses him softly. He rubs his thumb over Robert's bottom lip, hooks it into his mouth, over his teeth; uses the gentle pressure there to guide Robert to his knees.

Aaron's dick is right there but Robert can't look away from that dark gaze.

This is it, he thinks, when Aaron gets a hand around himself, steps forward to press the head into Robert's mouth, where he's still holding it open. This is what he wanted, feels the sensation settle into his bones; utterly relaxed for the first time in weeks, pliant like he's never felt before.

He lets Aaron tilt his head back further, revels in the way it pulls his throat straight for Aaron's dick, a couple of experimental thrusts against his tongue before Aaron groans, slides home in one slow shove of his hips. Robert relaxes his jaw and fucking _takes_ it. It's perfect.

Aaron's hips are rolling now, a slick thrust into Robert's throat. The hand in his hair clenches every time Robert swallows around him, relaxes on the upbeat.

Aaron sounds like he's cursing but Robert can't make out the words over the blood rushing in his ears. His eyes are squeeze tight, cheeks wet. There's spit fucking everywhere and Robert doesn't care. All he cares about is that Aaron keeps going, keeps pushing the thick head of his dick past Robert's gag reflex until Robert can't remember who he was before they started this.

“Fuck. Robert, Jesus, I can't,” Aaron's saying, voice clear now. He sounds fucked out, like he's the one with a cock down his throat.

Robert shifts his knees wider, sinks into it and tries to take him deeper, jaw straining.

When Aaron comes it punches the breath out of him, back bowing. Robert's pretty sure it's only the hand he's got on Robert's shoulder that keeps him upright. Robert swallows through it, takes as much as he can, hand coming up to work the base of Aaron's dick through the aftershocks. Robert wants it all.

Aaron quite literally crumples when he tugs Robert off his dick. There's no other way to describe it. He slumps to the floor between Robert's spread knees in an undignified sprawl.

Robert has never seen him look like this; shellshocked, that thousand yard stare that comes with the world being completely ripped out from under you. Robert would feel smug about it but he's feeling pretty shellshocked himself. He can feel his heartbeat in his dick and he can't believe he lived through that without coming.

“You alright?” Aaron asks. Because of course he does. It's Aaron.

Robert works his jaw, nods absently. He can't drag his eyes away from the space between them, where Aaron's belly is still heaving. He's flushed red most of the way down his chest, dark hair damp. Robert _wants_.

Aaron's fingers have drifted up to trace Robert's mouth. He can't imagine what he looks like.

“Fucking hell,” Aaron says, breathless. “You have no idea,” he doesn't finish the thought, hand finding Robert's hair again and Robert's eyes drop shut on a shudder. He wonders if this'll ever be out of his system.

Aaron groans, hand fisting and pulls Robert in again, like he can't help himself. He tugs Robert's mouth down to his, lets Robert settle over his lap on aching knees.

Aaron licking the taste of himself from Robert's mouth just about undoes him and he can't control it when his hips start hitching, dick riding against Aaron's belly, slipping through sweat and wet enough on its own anyway by now.

Aaron lets Robert push against him until he comes, kisses him through it like he knows Robert's not ready to be in control of his own mouth yet.

He cuddles Robert in close afterwards, hold him tight. Holds him together.

It's a long time before they make it to the bed.

:::

It doesn't turn into something they do all the time. That was never the point.

But Aaron seems to develop some sort of uncanny ability to sense when Robert needs it. The days when Robert feels quiet, when Aaron has to be fierce enough for the both of them.

It's funny, Robert thinks, that he didn't even know he was missing things until Aaron started giving them to him.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> join me on tumblr. i'm vckaarrob


End file.
